My Battery Day

I started September 8, 2009 by getting up at 6:18 am for a 9:00 am appointment in Houston, 50 miles away, on the first day of school, first day after a long weekend. Traffic wasn't too bad. Of course I tried to sleep on the way in. I remembered all the things I was supposed to bring. Got there on time (!). The guy remembered me from 3 years ago when I had the DBS installed in the first place. It was reassuring.

The intake nurse came at me with a device and started wiping the business end of it around my forehead. "What's that?" I asked. and when she identified it as a device for taking my temperature, I commented that I thought she was measuring my brain. She had me look in her eyes while she shined a light in them, so I went goggle-eyed and looked her in the eye.

Then she produced some panty-less hose for me and proceeded to put them on. I remarked that I should have brought the ones from last time and saved a a few bucks. She said that would have been an idea and why I didn't. I said I was using them. When she asked what for, I said I was using them for fishing and did she have any in a fishnet style this time. She worked them to nearly my crotch and asked me to run them the rest of the way up. It is physically impossible to put them the rest of the way up without flashing somebody but I tried.

My pre-op room nurse was Hispanic-looking and I checked her knowledge of old-timey Mexican mariachi songs and artists. She tried to put in an IV line and I tried to tell her that the back of my hand was bloodless. She popped it and I clenched my fist while she put on a rubber band. She dug a needle in and gave up. Another nurse came over and got into the act. I steered her to the vein they usually use when you give blood. I spent most of the time in that room ruing the decision not to make one last trip to the WC before beginning my journey thru the bowels of the hospital. Luckily I didn't have to go until after the surgery.

There was a representative from ANS there and I got to talk to her about their product. She checked my IPG's and confirmed the one that controlled the side I had the tremors on was in need of replacement. I told her the other one didn't matter and was a part of a BOGO deal. For all I cared, she could hook it up as an in-place spare we could switch to when the other one died next time. She wasn't impressed with my idea of installing a USB port. Dr Simpson said they were working on rechargeable ones and ones that could communicate over the phone.

As I laid there waiting for the ride down the hall from the pre-op room, I pulled my surgery cap down over my eyes and tried to relax. Then I heard some laughing and someone say, "Who put his cap on? Did you put it on that way?" Then a hand peek-a-booed me to the sight of Dr Simpson standing there. We discussed what was about to happen. Everyone was surprised that one of my IPG's was in my abdomen. They hadn't witnessed one put in there before and they commented on the ANS pig-tail being shorter than the Medtronic and were surprised that it reached so far. They all seemed in agreement that it had fallen in the range of normal battery expiration.

When we got to the OR, I commented that the last time I was out of it by the time I got this far. I assisted them by scooting onto the operating table. And that's the last thing I remember. Apparently they sent a messenger to the waiting room during the surgery to let the vigil know I was doing fine and again when it was over to let them know I passed with flying colors and was singing in the operating room. Since I don't remember this part I can only shudder at the thought of me serenading anybody. I really don't remember coming out of the anesthesia.

After I demonstrated the ability to walk and sit up, I got discharged, making it about 6+ hours from walking to riding out. I looked like Hans Christian Anderson in lederhosen except I didn't have the funny little hat with a feather in it.